Sherlock Omegle
by Lily Joanne Potter
Summary: Basically, I am a nerd. ;3 Rated M for safety ;P
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey everyone ;)  
><em>**_**So, recently I've started really liking Sherlock from the BBC. Well, I decided to experiment and answer as the characters on Omegle :) Some are short and sweet, but others are just simply amazing. For you, I'm putting my favourites up here :) I've also put some on my Tumblr, . :D  
><strong>_

**_Love you all! Lily Joanne Potter xxxx  
><em>**

* * *

><p>You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!<p>

Question to discuss:

Bring the milk. And cookies! -SH

You: ... -JW

Stranger: John...SH

You: Not again. -JW

You: No, Sherlock, I always do the shopping! -JW

Stranger: Please? There's too many people- SH

You: Can't you learn? At least come with me, just to see how NORMAL people live. -JW

Stranger: Dull. I'm far too busy anyway. Whilst you're out pick up a new microwave-SH

You: A new... What? why? -JW

Stranger: Do you really want me to answer that?-SH

You: No. -JW

Stranger: I thought not -SH

You: I'm using your card. I'm broke. -JW

Stranger: Fine. Don't get into an argument with the self service -SH

You: Oh, I've learnt better than to use one of those again. -JW

Stranger: I'm glad to hear it-SH

You: No you're not -JW

Stranger: No I'm not. Hurry up the skull is boring me-SH

You: Expect a text from Mycroft, he's texting me about the case...? What case? Are you hiding things from me again? And I'm going as fast as I can. -JW

You: Sherlock, I need those details pronto. -MH

Stranger: No. I have cake if you're interested dear brother-SH

You: Very amusing. But no thank you, I'm on a diet, as you so politely like to point out. -MH

Stranger: Well then I can't help you-SH

You: Yes you can. I need the details of the vehicle before midnight. Or I'll get Mummy involved. -MH

Stranger: No you won't-SH

Stranger: You don't scare me-SH

You: Wouldn't I? -MH

Stranger: Fine!-SH

You: Thank you, dear brother. How's John? -MH

Stranger: Well I was conversing with him a moment ago before you so rudely interrupted-SH

You: I didn't interrupt anything, Sherlock. -MH

Stranger: Yes you did, you and your fat head-SH

You: Tesco's have run out of microwaves. I'm having to go to curry's. Thanks a lot. -JW

You: My head is not fat! -MH

Stranger: Not my fault John-SH

Stranger: Yes it is!-SH

You: Not! -MH

You: I know, I was kidding. -JW

Stranger: I feel bad for mummy-SH

Stranger: I don't understand-SH

You: Bad for Mummy? What has this got to do with my head? -MH

Stranger: And you think I'm naive...-SH

You: I was being sarcastic, with the thanks a lot... -JW

You: What is that supposed to mean? -MH

Stranger: Go away Mycroft- SH

Stranger: Oh okay I understand-SH

You: You go away. -MH

You: Good. Got the biccys though. -JW

Stranger: How old are you?-SH

You: Older than you! You should listen to me. -MH

Stranger: Digestives? Tell Mycroft to stop harrassing me-SH

Stranger: How can I go away you texted me hah!-SH

You: Yes, digestives and custard creams. -JW

You: Mycroft, leave Sherlock be. -JW

Stranger: Thank you John-SH

You: Details, Sherlock. -MH

You: And no, John. He's my brother -MH

You: Do you mind that I got skimmed milk? -JW

Stranger: Don't backchat John Mycroft!-SH

Stranger: No I suppose that'll do-SH

You: Get to work, Sherlock, I need those details. -MH

You: Oh, good... -JW

Stranger: I would if you'd leave me alone!-SH

Stranger: Are you okay John?-SH

You: I'll leave you to it. Stop texting John, you're distracting yourself. -MH

Stranger: I never distract myself John helps me focus-SH

You: I'm fine, Sherlock, I just had an argument with a cash machine... -JW

You: Oh? -MH

Stranger: I thought you said you weren't going to use it again-SH

Stranger: Go away Mycroft!-SH

You: I wasn't, but the cashier wouldn't use my - your - card. -JW

You: John and Sherlock sitting in a tree... -MH

Stranger: Mycroft!-SH

Stranger: Oh I see..-SH

You: K I S S I N G -MH

You: It's okay now, I've got the money. -JW

Stranger: Well what about you and Lestrade huh? Two can play at that game-SH

Stranger: Good-SH

You: ... There is nothing between me and Lestrade. -MH

You: What watt microwave do you want? -JW

Stranger: Hmmm Why don't I believe you, big brother?- SH

Stranger: The highest one possible John-SH

You: There is nothing between us. Little brother. -MH

You: Got it. -JW

Stranger: Maybe I should ask Lestrade-SH

Stranger: Thank you-SH

You: You dare, Sherlock Holmes... -MH

Stranger: OH a dare? interesting-SH

You: Oh this is perfect. Fake money. Great. -JW

You: I'm going to be arrested. -JW

Stranger: Well... John John text Lestrade!-SH

Stranger: No you won't don't be dramatic-SH

You: I'm joking! Sherlock, no! -MH

You: Uh, alright... -JW

You: John, don't do what Sherlock says. -MH

Stranger: Or maybe I'll just pop down to the station...-SH

Stranger: Don't listen to fatty John-SH

You: Lestrade, I've been told to text you by Sherlock...? -JW

You: What? How do you know... I'm so confused. -JW

You: JOHN. DON'T. TEXT. LESTRADE. -MH

Stranger: Okay what is it John?-GL

Stranger: Do it John-SH

You: What am I asking? -JW

You: I'll pay you. -MH

Stranger: Ask if he's seen Fatty lately-SH

You: Just stop texting Lestrade. -MH

Stranger: Mycroft it won't work-SH

You: I can try -MH

Stranger: John's loyal to me-SH

You: Have you seen Mycroft lately? -JW

Stranger: Uh... um the other day for a while... Why?-GL

You: £5,000. It's yours, just stop texting Lestrade. -MH

Stranger: Don't listen to him John-SH

You: He says the other day, what shall I say? -JW

Stranger: Hahahahaha!-SH

You: Sherlock keep out of this. -MH

Stranger: Busted!-SH

Stranger: Ask what they did-SH

You: No! -MH

You: £10,000 -MH

You: What did you, uh, do? -JW

Stranger: Priceless Mycroft really-SH

You: £20,000 -MH

You: Mycroft, I don't want your money. -JW

Stranger: Uh... John why do you want to know?... Um we went for walk in Hyde park...-GL

Stranger: Good man John. Did they notice the fake money?-SH

You: Sherlock, they went for a walk. And yes, they did. I've been chucked out. No microwave for you. -JW

You: £25,000 last offer. -MH

Stranger: Damn I suppose I could ask Mrs Hudson-SH

Stranger: Too late Mycroft too late-SH

You: Oh, you've already done it. -MH

You: John and Sherlock sitting in a tree -MH

Stranger: So how was your 'WALK'? -SH

You: Doing something they shouldn't be -MH

Stranger: Ignore him John-SH

You: What, Mycroft? -JW

Stranger: He's having carbs withdrawel-SH

You: Oh, nothing Lestrade, I was just wondering. -JW

You: I am not! -MH

Stranger: Okay... How are you and Sherlock?-GL

Stranger: So Are!-SH

You: I am fine, Sherlock is blowing up microwaves and craving biccys, as usual. -JW

You: Am not! -MH

You: John, I know about you and my brother. -MH

Stranger: Another microwave? Isn't that the third one in a month?-GL

Stranger: Want a biscuit Mycroft?-SH

You: Fourth actually. -JW

You: No, I do not! -MH

Stranger: OH... Unlucky-GL

Stranger: Are you sure? I just boiled the kettle-SH

You: I'll be over in ten minutes, for a tea. NO BISCUITS. -MH

You: Tell me about it. -JW

Stranger: I was joking Mycroft don't come over!-SH

Stranger: John, John help!-SH

You: Why not? Are you not suitable? Getting ready for Watson to return home? -MH

You: Yes? -JW

Stranger: Go play with your friend Mycroft-SH

Stranger: Mycroft's coming over!-SH

You: At least I have friends. -MH

You: Oh no... is the flat in a state? -JW

Stranger: Yes, who is Lestrade...-SH

Stranger: NO but he's coming for tea!-SH

Stranger: Well not that much of a state-SH

You: Lestrade is simply a friend. -MH

Stranger: Of course*Taps nose*- SH

You: Tea? Do we have any tea? I have to go back to Tesco, don't I... -JW

Stranger: Would you?-SH

You: Sherlock... -MH

You: Fine, for you. -JW

Stranger: Yes dear?-SH

Stranger: Thank you John-SH

You: You can be a royal pain in the back side, you know that, don't you? -MH

You: No problem. -JW

Stranger: Says you-SH

You: I do say so. -MH

Stranger: If you would just admit it...- SH

You: Never. -MH

Stranger: Are you coming for tea, John has gone to get tea-SH

You: Yes, I am. -MH

Stranger: Hmm, so much denial-SH

You: I'm not in denial... -MH

Stranger: JOHN! Get some condoms while you're out-SH

Stranger: Maybe you should go on a denial diet-SH

Stranger: seeing as the other one is clearly not working-SH

You: Wrong number -JM

You: Denial diet? -MH

Stranger: You! What... What are you doing with John's phone?-SH

You: It is working! -MH

Stranger: Mycroft listen to me I think something's happened to John-SH

You: I borrowed it. -JM

Stranger: Where is he?-SH

You: What on earth could have happened whilst shopping for tea bags? -MH

You: Oh, Johnny boy? He's having a little fun with Sebby. Don't worry, you'll get him back... eventually. -JM

Stranger: I texted John something not important and... Moriarty texted me from his phone-SH

Stranger: DON'T TOUCH HIM-SH

You: I'll trace his number. -MH

Stranger: Thank you,can you let Lestrade know?-SH

You: Touch him? me? No, not me! Sebastian however, he likes playing games. -JM

You: Of course -MH

You: Greg, John's gone missing, trace his number please. Call me. -MH x

Stranger: I will kill you both if he is even scratched-SH

Stranger: What? What do you mean Mycroft he texted me five minutes ago!-GL x

You: Then we shall make sure he is returned to you in perfect condition~ Once we're done with him. -JM

Stranger: Give him back... NOW!-SH

You: He went shopping for tea bags, and Moriarty got him. -MH x

You: Maaaaaaaaaaake me! -JM

Stranger: OH fu... Okay I'll round up the troops-GL x

Stranger: I will!-SH

You: Thank you love -MH x

You: Come out to play, Sherly. There's a car outside waiting for you. -JM

Stranger: Uh Mycroft... Sherlock just got into a car...-GL x

Stranger: I don't want to play I just want John-SH

Stranger: and my name is NOT Sherly-SH

You: He did what? I'm just around the corner from their flat. Is it the black car? I'll follow it. -MH x

You: Ah, you really do amuse me. -JM

Stranger: I can't get a proper trace- GL x

Stranger: You won't be laughing soon-SH

You: Damn it! I'm following the car now... keep me updated. -MH x

Stranger: Ok be careful!-GL x

You: Who said I was laughing? I'm crying, my dear, just like your pet... -JM

You: I will, you too. -MH x

Stranger: Just... Let me talk to him-SH

You: Alriiiiiiiiiight. For you, petal 3 -JM

You: God dammit Sherlock. Where the hell are you? -JW

Stranger: John? John are you okay? What have they done to you?-SH

Stranger: Mycroft I'm talking to John now!-SH

You: I'm... fine. Moran is making me... a cup of tea... and I like tea... Yummy. -JW

You: What is he saying? -MH

Stranger: Don't. Drink. It-SH

You: But it's so tasty, Sherlock. He's made you a cup too. -JW

Stranger: Moran is making him tea-SH

You: What? Tea? -MH

Stranger: JOHN DON'T!-SH

Stranger: It's drugged it has to be-SH

You: I'm sorry, John isn't available at the moment. -JM

You: Tell him not to drink it then! -MH

Stranger: You bastard what did you do?-SH

Stranger: I did! He drank it!-SH

You: Nothing, just little Johnny is busy enjoying his afternoon tea~ -JM

You: Oh no... -MH

You: Hurry up Greg, they've drugged John. -MH x

Stranger: ...Tea?-SH

Stranger: What? How?-GL x

You: I didn't put ANYTHING in the tea. John put it in the tea himself. -JM

You: Tea -MH x

Stranger: What? What are you talking about... He wouldn't-SH

You: He did. Oooooooooooh. He did. -JM

Stranger: Tea?-GL x

Stranger: Stop it!-SH

You: They've drugged his tea... probably forced him to drink it... it's been drugged. -MH x

You: But this is so fun! -JM

Stranger: Where the hell are you?-SH

You: Oh, oh dear. There's blood on my tie... You're getting the bill for this. -JM

Stranger: Oh shit okay okayI I think i got the trace-GL x

Stranger: Blood? I will strangle you-SH

You: Hurry up, this is my brother's partner here. -MH x

You: Bloooooooooooooooooood. -JM

Stranger: I'm doing my best Mycroft- GL x

Stranger: Please...-SH

You: Thank you. I'll repay you later. -MH x

Stranger: I'll hold you to that-GL x

You: Don't worry sugar plum, the car is nearly here. Soon you'll be reunited with your precious toy... -JM

You: I count in it. -MH x

Stranger: And then I'll finish you-SH

Stranger: Where's Sherlock going?-GL x

You: What makes you think I'm there? -JM

You: I don't know.. it looks like a disused warehouse. -MH x

Stranger: I... How else you you have John's phone?-SH

Stranger: Damn... Okay I got this-GL x

You: I'm getting out of the car. It's stopped, but Sherlock isn't getting out... -MH x

You: I'm the man with the key. I am king. -JM

Stranger: Can you see him?- Gl x

You: I can do whatever I want. -JM

Stranger: What do you want from me?-SH

You: There's no one it the car... Damn, it was a decoy! -MH x

You: I want you to fall, again. -JM

You: But this time, stay dead. -JM

Stranger: Fuuuuu... We lost the trace again! What now?-GL x

Stranger: That will never happen-SH

You: I... I don't know. I could be miles away from Sherlock now... -MH x

You: Sherlock, where the hell are you? - MH

Stranger: He's hurt him Mycroft... I have too...-SH

You: Yes it will. Now, get out of the car. Second door to your left in the third building. -JM

Stranger: to***

You: Don't! Wait for back up! -MH

Stranger: Or you'll send snipers after me? I doubt it-SH

Stranger: I can't! It's John!-SH

You: No, I know you'll do it. John is dying to see you. -JM

Stranger: Are you going to make me beg?-SH

You: Lestrade. Sherlock won't listen to me. -MH x

Stranger: What? What's going on?- GL x

You: I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, sweetheart. -JM

Stranger: Oh how kind of you-SH

You: He's going in unprotected. -MH x

You: I deserve a medal, I really do -JM

Stranger: Damn it!-GL x

You: That's Sherlock for you. -MH x

Stranger: Well maybe i can hang it next to your ashes-SH

Stranger: But.. He's your brother Mycroft- GL x

You: Are you going to burn me, Holmes? How exciting. -JM

You: I know, Greg. I know. -MH x

Stranger: It wouldn't work Jim you don't have a heart-SH

You: True, true. -JM

Stranger: What now then?-SH

You: Take the second corridor, head straight to the end. Your John is in there, probably hanging around. -JM

You: Pun intended. -JM

Stranger: What? NO!-SH

You: Tick tock, tick tock... -JM

Stranger: Shit, shit I'm sorry John-SH

You: John can't heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear yoooooooooou. -JM

You: Shout his name, Sherlock. -JM

Stranger: Where are you?-SH

You: Go on. -JM

You: "JOOOOOOOOOOOHN?" -JM

Stranger: STOP IT!-SH

You: Oh Jooooooooooooohn? Sheeeeerly is looking for yooooooooou. -JM

Stranger: You're a coward! Come out and fight!-SH

You: Oh, wait, he's here now. -JM

You: Let me put him on. JOHN, IT'S FOR YOU -JM

Stranger: JOHN..._SH

You: S-S-Sh-Sherlock... -JW

Stranger: John, Oh god I'm sorry so sorry-SH

You: T-turn a-around... -JW

Stranger: NO i'm not leaving you-SH

Stranger: Not again-SH

You: T-t-trap... -JW

Stranger: I... I don't care-SH

You: Awwwwwwwwww, Johnny's crying! -JM

You: This really is BEAUTIFUL. -JM

Stranger: Get away from him!-SH

Stranger: John, I'm coming just...just hold on-SH

You: Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry. -JM

You: Sherlock Holmes, like a snail. -JM

Stranger: I'm neerly here 't let him get to you-SH

Stranger: nearly***

You: Ooops. That gun shot, that wasn't me! Honest. -JM

You: Sebby is such a naughty boy. -JM

Stranger: I didn't hear a gun! NO!-SH

You: Surprise! -JM

Stranger: You better run!-SH

You: Know where you are yet? -JM

Stranger: I wouldn't tell you if I did-SH

You: Greg, there was a gun shot... -MH x

You: I don't like running. -JM

You: I'm lazy, you should know that by now. -JM

Stranger: What? Who by, are Sherlock and John okay? Are you?- GL x

Stranger: That's your problem it will be your downfall-SH

You: I'm fine, I'm heading in now... Sherlock isn't in sight. - MH x

Stranger: Tell me where you are, I'll be there-GL x

You: This love will be your downfall. You need to learn how to cut off your emotions - You've become sappy. -JM

You: Sending you the address now. -MH x

Stranger: That's not true.. It's not-SH

Stranger: Got it, on my way!-GL x

You: Sure thing Princess. -JM

Stranger: No! John is... he's my friend-SH

You: Oh, look, it's Brother Holmes! Hello! Now it's like a real tea party.-JM

Stranger: Mycroft... What?-SH

You: Your friend? Sherlock Holmes, a friend? -JM

You: Mycroft has come out to plaaaaaaaaaay. -JM

Stranger: How, how did he know?-SH

Stranger: He's my ... Best friend-SH

You: N'aaaaaaaw. It'd warm my heart, if I had one. -JM

Stranger: I'm sure Moran is so flattered-SH

You: Oh look, now I'm texting you from two numbers! How fascinating... -JM

You: Boo! -JM

Stranger: STOP!-SH

You: Huh, I don't like John's phone. Mycroft's is much easier to use... -JM

Stranger: Damn it!-SH

You: Where are you, Sherly? -JM

You: Your boyfriend is waiting to be rescued. -JM

Stranger: I had... To take care of something-SH

Stranger: What? Who is this? Why do you have Mycroft's phone?-GL

You: Hello, Gregory Lestrade. Mycroft is having tea with myself, my fiancee and John. Feel free to pop by~ -JM

Stranger: Tea? Where's sherlock?-GL

You: Sherly Sherly Sherly Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerly! I'm getting bored texting you. -JM

Stranger: You know your driver, yeah he's dead-SH

You: Tea, very british. Sherlock isn't here, he's running an errand for me. -JM

You: ... He's dead. Great. I bought him that suit! -JM

Stranger: An errand... Mycroft don't drink the tea!-GL

Stranger: Looks like you won't get your deposit shame-SH

You: But Mycroft loves tea! And by the looks of it, biscuits too... -JM

Stranger: no! Mycroft!-GL

You: I've sent you a picture. Better recognise it, because we're waiting, Sherly. -JM

You: TOOO LATE! -JM

Stranger: John... -SH

You: ... is dying. :) -JM

Stranger: What, what have you done? You can't hide from scotland yard- GL

Stranger: No... He can- He can't die-SH

You: Nothing, just drinking tea... -JM

You: He's dying. -JM

Stranger: The drugged tea!-GL

Stranger: I... I, God!-SH

You: Yummy -JM

You: Are you here yet? -JM

Stranger: I can't I can't see-SH

You: Come on Sherly... I'm disappointed. :( -JM

Stranger: I... I can't -SH

Stranger: When I get to you, you won't see daylight again-GL

You: Get in the car that brought you there, and type in the satnav "Sir Boast A Lot." -JM

You: Ah, I am laughing rather loud right now. -JM

Stranger: I'm coming John-SH

You: I'll pass on the message, if he can hear me, that is. -JM

Stranger: You really want me dead-SH

You: Did you know that there's a stage in torture, where the victim will start to hallucinate and not hear certain words? Of course you did, silly me. -JM

You: Yes, I do. -JM

Stranger: Torture?-SH

Stranger: I don't... Understand. You're not doing this because you're bored-SH

You: John says 'Hello' -JM

You: or at least, that's what it sounded like -JM

You: Does Mycroft normally spit like a camel? -JM

Stranger: You prick!-SH

Stranger: A...A camel?... What are you doing to him?- GL

You: More blood on my tie... -JM

Stranger: Oh dear is it Westwood? Never mind it'll burn when you get to HELL-SH

You: It is Westwood~ Baby, I'm too hot for hell. -JM

Stranger: You are really really not-SH

You: You only wish... -JM

Stranger: It's a fact-SH

You: Nah, you're a bad liar. Naaaah. -JM

Stranger: .-SH

You: Waaaaaaaaaaiting. -JM

You: Sherlock, why don't you join us for tea? -MH

Stranger: I'm here. Can't you see me?-SH

Stranger: Mycroft?-SH

You: You prefer coffee, shall I ask for that? two sugars? -MH

You: Come in, Sherlock. Come in. -JW

Stranger: I'm cutting back on caffeine-SH

You: There's a seat waiting just for you... -JM

You: We have nicotine patches too. -JW

You: Please come in. -MH

Stranger: I prefer to make big entrances no offence JIM-SH

You: Yes, we're waiting. -JM

Stranger: John... If you can hear me I never meant for this-SH

You: Come in Sherlock. -JW

You: We're waaaaaaaaaaiting. -JM

Stranger: Okay... I'm ready- SH

You: Then please, do come in. -JM

You: Ah, it's amazing what you can make people say with a gun tied to their head... -JM

Stranger: I... -SH

You: What, Sherlock Holmes, speechless? I'm... honored! -JM

Stranger: Yes doesn't happen often I just have to say something-SH

You: Well. I've had fun, but Sebby and I have a plane to catch. Ciao! -JM

You: Oh, and have fun with the present we left you! xxxx -JM

Stranger: Good luck on getting out of the building-SH

Stranger: Present...-SH

You: Sh-Sher-l-lock... -JW

Stranger: John! John... It's okay I'm here-SH

You: Bomb... there's a bomb... -JW

Stranger: Shh... I know. We need to get out of here now!-SH

You: No... it's... they made me... -JW

You: Sherlock. They made him swallow it. -MH

Stranger: No... You're hallucinating you have to be-SH

You: We didn't see it. The tea, you were right, it was drugged. Knocked us both out. -MH

You: It's... in-inside... m-my stomach... -JW

Stranger: So, so maybe he wanted you to believe you swallowed it...-SH

Stranger: Sh John don't you're going to be fine-SH

You: I don't want to die... -JW

Stranger: Don't be stupid do you think I'm going to let you?-SH

You: You've locked the doors, clever. -BLOCKED NUMBER

Stranger: I didn't touch the doors, guess again-SH

You: Sherlock... if... I... I love... -JW

You: Oh? -BLOCKED NUMBER

Stranger: No... Don't John just...-SH

You: I love you... -JW

Stranger: AS if I'll tell you-SH

Stranger: I... I Love you John more than anything-SH

You: That's very sweet, but can we sort this out first? -MH

Stranger: SHUT IT MYCROFT-SH

You: I.. I love you... -JW

You: I don't know whether you've noticed, but HE SWALLOWED A BOMB. -MH

Stranger: You'll regret this John I know you will-SH

Stranger: DID YOU SEE HIM SWALLOW IT?-SH

You: No, n-no I won't... -JW

You: No, but we can't rule it out! -MH

Stranger: You're drugged...-SH

You: T-there's a knife... over there... -JW

Stranger: I'm not ruling it out! Just...-SH

Stranger: NO John whatever it is No-SH

You: I can show you how to... you know... -JW

You: John, now you're being ridiculous. -MH

Stranger: There must be another way I won't do it!-SH

You: Like the present? -BLOCKED NUMBER

You: Just do it... -JW

Stranger: You're making him believe he swallowed a bomb! Found your way yet?-SH

Stranger: John... -SH

You: Pass me my phone, I'll call Greg. -MH

You: Sh-Sherlock... -JW

Stranger: John just hang on Lestrade will help-SH

You: It's fascinating, isn't it? Has he swallowed it? Or has he not? oooooh the drama! Sebby's looking for a way now. -BLOCKED NUMBER.

Stranger: He hasn't I know he hasn't! Yeah good luck-SH

You: Greg, we need you NOW. Cut it short, John's swallowed a bomb. -MH x

Stranger: Mycroft is that you? What? shit Okay- GL x

You: Looooooook closely, Sherly. He's swallowed something... -BLOCKED NUMBER

You: Sherlock, please just take Mycroft and yourself as far as possible... -JW

Stranger: NO, I'm not leaving you-SH

You: No time to explain, yes it is, hurry please. -MH x

Stranger: So if not a bomb... -SH

Stranger: I am, called the squads in be there in two minutes!- GL

Stranger: x

You: Tick tock, there's a clock~ -BLOCKED NUMBER

You: Please... I can't lose you.. -JW

Stranger: It's not just ticking for us though...-SH

Stranger: You won't John I'm keeping you. We're going to breed bees together-SH

You: Sherlock... -JW

Stranger: And we'll get away from London and..-SH

You: I know this is a moment where you think you're going to die, but please can you save it for the bedroom? -MH

You: MYCROFT! -JW

Stranger: Have a biscuit Mycroft and shut up-SH

You: I don't want a biscuit. -MH

Stranger: THEN SHUT UP!-SH

You: God dammit, I love you... -JW

Stranger: I love you John... I love you-SH

You: Awwwwwwww how ADORABLE. -BLOCKED NUMBER

Stranger: FUCK OFF-SH

You: I can seeeeeeeee yooooooou. -BLOCKED NUMBER

Stranger: What? Where?-SH

You: Baaaaaaaaaalcony... -JM

Stranger: Predictable...-SH

You: Why is it always us? -JW

Stranger: Are you complaing?-SH

You: No, I'm so glad I met you, but Moriarty... -JW

You: KING Moriarty. King. -JM

You: Oh please... -MH

Stranger: I know but he won't be bothering us for much longer trust me-SH

You: That's what you think Sherly. Sebby, keep looking for a way out of here, thank you baby. -JM

Stranger: You won't find one. You might have to...JUMP -SH

You: Oh... OH. You are so clever. I promised you a fall, and you fell, now it's my turn... -JM

Stranger: Well it's only fair-SH

You: What? Sherlock, what's going on? -JW

Stranger: Nothing, it's okay just.. just stay here-SH

You: Don't leave me... -JW

You: John, let him go. -MH

Stranger: I'm not... I'll be back I promise-SH

You: You better. -JW

You: Don't make promises if you can't keep them... -JM

Stranger: I will you are my heart John Watson-SH

Stranger: Lost Moran have you?-SH

You: I love you... you bastard. -JW

You: He's gone for a walk. To the roof? -JM

Stranger: I love you...Always-SH

Stranger: After you, I insist-SH

You: Ah, thank you... -JM

Stranger: Don't mention it... -SH

You: So, Sherlock Holmes, we really ARE alike. -JM

Stranger: Are we? I obviously have better taste-SH

You: I had my hunch about you and Johnny boy, I just had to take the risk of taking him... -JM

You: Oooh, ouch. -JM

Stranger: Clever-SH

You: I'll give you better taste in men. I always liked a man in uniform. -JM

You: And the Army, well, that really is something... -JM

Stranger: Too bad you can't have him then isn't it?-SH

You: Indeed. Wonderful view, isn't it? -JM

You: Almost as if we planned this... -JM

Stranger: Beautiful-SH

You: Ah, DI Nosey and his crew are here. How delightful. -JM

You: Tell me, Sherlock Holmes, do you like dancing? -JM

Stranger: Isn't it?-SH

Stranger: I like watching people dance-SH

You: As do I, but sometimes, I like to dance myself. Care to join me, in our last dance? Together? -JM

Stranger: ... I'd be honoured... -SH

You: Excellent. Take my waist, if you please. -JM

Stranger: Are you sure I wouldn' twant to make little sebastian angry-SH

You: Sebastian isn't here; what he doesn't know won't hurt him. -JM

Stranger: Hmm I'd disagree but I'm no expert-SH

You: Of course you're not, Virgin. -JM

You: Oh look, they're trying to get in... If I can't get out, they can't get in, correct? -JM

Stranger: Hmm if that makes you feel better keep thinking that-SH

You: Oh, you're such a tease. Is this the part when you tell me times up? -JM

Stranger: I would but... I don't do cliches-SH

You: ah, how predictable. -JM

Stranger: is it?-SH

You: You're easy to read... I'm ready now. -JM

Stranger: Took your time-SH

You: Only for yoooooou. -JM

Stranger: I'm flattered...Deeply-SH

You: So you should be. Now, what position? I'm thinking of going for the relaxed, I know my fate. - JM

Stranger: Maybe I should go for the sticking the knife in your back... Oh no wait that's Moran's position sorry-SH

You: We really are alike... Back stabbing bastards, that's what we are. Quite literally. -JM

Stranger: I can change though if I wanted-SH

You: No, no you couldn't. Oh good, the police got inside. Maybe they could diffuse the bomb... -JM

Stranger: There is no bomb... You couldn't have made John swallow it even if he were drugged not ever-SH

You: You're right, John didn't swallow it. Moran did. I wonder if they're having fun down there? -JM

Stranger: Well too bad he's been shot then really-SH

You: ... Good bye, Sherlock Holmes. -JM

You: Sherlock! -JW

Stranger: It's been fun Jim Moriarty-SH

Stranger: John... What are you...-SH

You: Indeed it has. Ah, hello John.-JM

Stranger: John- go go back- SH

You: Come on... We need to go... I'm not going... -JW

You: How cute. -JM

You: Won't you let me jump already? -JM

Stranger: John Please! -SH

You: I'm getting bored. -JM

You: N-no... -JW

Stranger: That would be easy-SH

You: Lestrade is here, he can sort this... -JW

You: YAWN. -JM

Stranger: No John he can't...-SH

You: 3... -JM

Stranger: Don't you dare!-SH

You: What? What is he doing? -JW

You: 2... -JM

Stranger: John getback!-SH

You: Wha-what? -JW

You: 1... -JM

You: 3 quarters... I kid, I kid. 0. Bye! -JM

Stranger: Shit!-SH

You: Oh my go... -JW

You: He's... -JW

Stranger: Come on. Now we need to go-SH

You: B-but... Moriarty... -JW

Stranger: Time for that later!-SH

You: Sherlock... -JW

You: What the hell was going on up there? -MH

Stranger: What is it?-SH

Stranger: Got it under control!-SH

You: Don't leave me. -JW

You: Under control? -MH

Stranger: I'm not John you're okay-SH

Stranger: Yes unlike your diets!-SH

You: Not the time nor place! -MH

Stranger: Well, excuse me!-SH

You: I believe that... -JW

You: Sherlock... don't -JW

Stranger: John?-SH

You: Let's... let's just go home. I need a proper cup of tea. -JW

Stranger: Good idea-SH

Stranger: Wait, no teabags!-SH

You: ... We can go together. I'll show you how to shop. -JW

Stranger: I'd... Like that-SH

You: You know, if you had gone with me the first time around, this would have never happened... -JW

You: I'd like that too. -JW

You: Maybe we can get a microwave too. -JW

Stranger: I know, I'm sorry you shouldn't stay with me-SH

Stranger: With fake money?-SH

You: Don't be stupid, I'm never leaving your side again. Maybe not with fake money. -JW

Stranger: I can live with that-SH

You: Me too. -JW

You: Please excuse me... Greg? -MH

Stranger: Mycroft! Ohthank god-GL

You: When will my brother learn not to climb into a stranger's car? -MH

Stranger: Seriously? Don't you remember the first time you sent your car for me?-GL

You: Ah... oh yes. I'm a hypocrite. -MH

Stranger: Yes you are I like it though-GL

You: I know you do. - MH

You: Greg and Mycroft sitting in a tree... -JW

Stranger: K.I.S.S.I.N.G-SH

You: SHUT UP SHERLOCK! John... I thought better of you. -MH

Stranger: Make me big head!-SH

You: ... £50,000. John, please... Shut your boyfriend up -MH

You: Urm, no. -JW

Stranger: Ha-SH

Stranger: Oh dear god-GL

You: Ignore them, Greg. We'll get them back... -MH

Stranger: Yeah right!-SH

Stranger: Can we just..Go home?-GL

You: Like to see you try... -JW

You: Yes, let's go. -MH

You: Tea anyone? -JW

Stranger: I'd love one-SH

You: I know you would... -JW

You: Not for me, thanks. I'm on a diet. -MH

Stranger: Impressive-SH

You: Ciao, Sherlock Holmes. Until we meet again~ -BLOCKED NUMBER

Stranger: whaaa... -SH

You: What? -JW

Stranger: Nothing I... Let's go have tea-SH

You: Sounds good to me... -JW

You: (( AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER 3 ))

Stranger: ((Nawwww :D 3))

You: ((*claps and bows*))


	2. Chapter 2

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Question to discuss:

Sebby, what would you say if I wore that red corset we saw? -JM

You: Not again... - SH

You: WRONG NUMBER - SH

Stranger: It's disgusting -JW

You: ... John? - SH

Stranger: He's been sending it to both of us. And yes, Sherlock. It's me. I knew you weren't dead. I knew it. -JW

You: But... you're not meant to know! John, do you realise this puts you in danger? - SH

Stranger: Sherlock, any danger is worth it to have my best friend back. -JW

You: I can't come back. Well, I wasn't going to until MORIARTY here sent me this TEXT. - SH

Stranger: I don't think he'd look good in a red corset. -JW

You: Neither do I. - SH

Stranger: You would. -JW

You: ... You're right. - SH

Stranger: You know? -JW

You: I know what? - SH

Stranger: That you'd look good in a red corset -JW

You: No, John, I meant 'Sebby' - SH

Stranger: Oh. Sorry. -JW

You: Pet names, really Jimmy? - SH

You: and that's alright - SH

Stranger: Sherlyy -JW

You: Johnnyboy - SH

Stranger: Johnnyboy is my nickname for him -JM

You: Don't you start, Jimmypoo. - SH

Stranger: I'm just saying! -JM

You: So I can see. - SH

Stranger: Jim, go away -JW

No. I like watching you two speak. It's so... cute. -JM

You: I had a hunch that you got off on this kind of thing. - SH

You: Ever since the act with Molly... no one can act THAT gay. - SH

Stranger: Maybe I am gay. I'M SOOOO CHANGEABLE. -JM

You: I know - SH

Stranger: Threesome? -JM

You: Wear the corset. - Sebby xxx

You: Not in your dreams - SH

Stranger: I will, Sebby baby -JM xxxxx

You: John, I can see where we are not wanted. - SH

Good boy - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: This is really.. Awkward. -JW

I think I look sexy. -JM xxxxx

You: Tell me about it, John. - SH

You ARE sexy... - Sebby xxxx

Stranger: We should be all lovey dovey... -JW

So are you. ;) -JM xxxxxx

You: Boys, please, get a room. All this all because of a wrong number... - SH

I know. Meet me at the flat in ten? - Sebby xxxxx

Stranger: Fine then, Sherlock. Don't entertain my idea... -JW

I'm leaving now. -JM xxxxxxxx

You: What was your idea? You don't mean...? - SH

I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaiting. - Sebby xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Stranger: I mean, we could just-. Make them., Uh. As awkward as we feel. –JW

Keep waaaaaaaaaaaiting. -JM xxxxxxx

You: ... John. You are a genius. - SH

I won't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait for loooooooooooong. - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: Um. I don't know how to.. Uh..? -JW

Don't go and shag some stranger now. -JM xxxxxxxxx

You: I must confess that I once watched you in the shower... Experiment. - SH

But baaaaaaaaaaaaaaby - Sebby xxxxxxx

Stranger: Did you like what you saw? -JW

Nooo! -JM xxxxxxxxxx

You: ... Very much. - SH

I'm joking! I'd only do you and only you 3 - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: I've never seen you naked below the waist. :( -JW

Better mean that. -JM xxxxxxxxx

You: We can change that. - SH

Of course I mean it. I laaaaaaaaaav yooooooou. - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: Can we now? -JW

I 'lav' you too. What size condoms should I get? -JM xxxxxxx

You: Yes, isn't that the plan? - SH

Extra large. I'm throbbing. Bring extras - Sebby xxxxxxx

Stranger: Where are you? -JW

Oft. I'll buy them now. -JM xxxxxxx

You: Tesco. Mrs Hudson has dragged me out to learn 'basic stuff'. Yawn. - SH

Hurry up sugar tits - Sebby xxxxxxxxx

Stranger: I'll be waiting in Baker Street -JW

I'm waiting in line to get the condoms, calm down! -JM xxxxxxx

You: I'll be there in... wait. I think I see... Jim? Are you in Tescos? - SH

But if I calm down I won't be in the mood :( - Sebby xxxxxx

Stranger: Yes, Sherlock. I am. Are you buying bread? -JM

You: Maybe... - SH

Stranger: Sexy. -JW

Sebby, I'm about to get served. -JMxxxxxxxxxxx

You: John if you think buying bread is sexy, then I'm glad you have low expectations. - SH

CASHIER HURRY UP! - Sebby xxxxxxxxxx

Stranger: Sarcasm, Sherlock. -JW

CALM DOWN, BABY. -JM xxxxxx

You: I knew that. But seriously, don't expect much... - SH

CALMING, CALMING FOR YOU - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: It's OK, Sherlock. -JW

GOOD BOY. -JM xxxxxxxxxx

You: Are you sure? Heading home now, got the bread too... - SH

WOOF WOOF 3 - Sebby xxxxxxx

Stranger: I'm sure. I've never had sex with man. -JW

Aww, Johnny Boy!

Mewww -JM xxxxxxx

You: JIM YOU BETTER NOT READ THIS OR I WILL KILL YOU.

I've never had sex. Ever. - SH

HAHA! Johnny's so innocent :') Treat me like a dog? I'll lick you ;) - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: It's okay, it's pretty simple.. -JW

Aw Sherlock! Cutie pie!

Only if you treat me as your master. ;) -JM xxxxxxxxxxx

You: Thank you, John, I'm sure I'll be fine... Moriarty. - SH

And whip you into shape? You've been a naughty boy... - Sebby xxxxxxx

Stranger: You will be. You always are. How far are you from the flat? -JW

Will you spank me? ;) -JM xxxxxxxxxx

You: Give me two minutes. - SH

Until your bottom bleeeeeeeeeeeeds. - Sebby xxxxxxx

Stranger: I'm in your room. -JW

Kinky. -JM xxxxxxxxx

You: John, drawers to the left, second draw. - SH

You know it. ;D - Sebby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Stranger: Is it a head? -JW

Naughty boy. -JM xxxxx

You: No, you'll like it. - SH

You might have to cuff me for that. - Sebby xxxxxxxx

Stranger: Sexy. -JW

I will. ;) -JM xxxxxxxxx

You: I told you. Opening the door... now.- SH

I count on it 3 - Sebby xxxxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Question to discuss:

Sex chat. Just do it. You'll both enjoy it ;)

Stranger: Yum. -JM

You: No - SH

You: Wait. JM? - SH

Stranger: Hello, Sherly. Shouldn't we do what the man asks? ;) -JM

Stranger: No, never mind. Wouldn't want to scare The Virgin. -JM

You: We may be alike, but Jimmy, I don't think that would be appropriate - SH

Stranger: Sebastian would get too jealous. Good things his hands are full with your Doctor at the moment. -JM

Stranger: Whoops, Freudian slip... he's on a date! Right! -JM

You: ... What have you done /now/? - SH

Stranger: Oh, use your imagination. -JM

Stranger: When was the last time you saw him? I'm quite surprised it took you this long to catch on. -JM

You: If you... He's... you... Moriarty. - SH

Stranger: I can't believe it! I've made you speechless! Oh, what fun. -JM

You: If you've laid a /finger/ on John, I will personally see that you are taken down. I kid you not. - SH

Stranger: Oh, Sherly. I'm sure Sebastian's laid more than a finger by now. Probably his fists. Maybe a bat or two. -JM

Stranger: Your threats only excite me. -JM

You: What do you want? - SH

Stranger: I want you to fall properly this time. -JM

Stranger: And, you know, stay dead. -JM

You: I liked your party trick too. - SH

Stranger: Aww, shucks. Not one of my best. A little messy, but I suppose it did the job. -JM

You: Indeed. Obviously fooled everyone... - SH

Stranger: The only thing I'm wondering, Sherly, is if you've had the guts to tell your boyfriend you're alive... -JM

You: He's not my boyfriend. John is my doctor. - SH

Stranger: Oh, sure, sure. -JM

Stranger: Regardless, it would be such fun to tell him you're alive... and that you don't care enough to come save him. Ah, drama. -JM

You: Where have you took him? Tell me, before I do something I will regret. - SH

Stranger: What kind of magician would I be if I gave away all my tricks? -JM

You: You're not a magician, you are a Joker. - SH

Stranger: Semantics, semantics. You're not a detective, you're an obsessive freak. -JM

You: A freak? I get told daily by Donovan. It does not bother me. Now, tell me. - SH

Stranger: Ooh, gunshots. Things must be getting steamy. Tick-tock, Sherly... -JM

You: Jimmy. - SH

Stranger: Yes? -JM

I hate you. - SH

Stranger: I love it when you talk dirty. -JM

Stranger: I think I'll go join the party... come any time you want. You're the guest of honor! -JM

Stranger: Bye now. -JM


	4. Chapter 4

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Question to discuss:

It's a billion times more satisfying to crush people emotionally and make them feel like shit than it is to help and support them. why?

Stranger: I don't know... -JW

You: O: JAWN! - SH

Stranger: Sherlock? -JW

You: Erm... no. - SH

Stranger: What do you mean, "no"? This is his number. -JW

Stranger: How did you get a dead man's number? -JW

You: John, you never cease to amaze me. - SH

Stranger: Who is this. Whoever you are, this isn't funny. -JW

Stranger: I have a DI for a friend. -JW

You: I don't have friends... - SH

Stranger: Well, find something better to do with your time then prank texting a man in mourning! -JW

You: I'm not... Look, John, I know what happened was... very rushed. But you have to forgive me- Sherlock. - SH

You: I meant Sherlock. - SH

Stranger: No. You aren't alive. You aren't real. This is a bad joke. -JW

You: Why would I joke? Please believe me. I'll be at the cemetery at noon. You know where to find me. - SH

Stranger: I don't know anything anymore. I'm here anyway. I'm always here. -JW

Stranger: *sits down up against the tombstone and closes his eyes*

You: There are things I must discuss with you in person. - SH

*Sherlock pockets his phone, and hangs his head in shame. He waits by the tree, keeping John in sight*

Stranger: *Starts to hum to himself if anything* Sunshine go away today... I don't feel much like dancing. Some man's gone he's trying to run my life... *starts to nod off and slips into a light sleep*

You: *As the minutes start to tick by heading for noon, Sherlock slowly emerges from his hiding place, walking towards 'his' grave.*

Stranger: No... I don't like pears... I really don't... *tries to refuse the invisible pears*

You: *Sherlock chuckles to himself as he hears John muttering nonsense in his sleep, and takes a seat by his side*

Stranger: *starts to flail his arms* Do not go... no... the TARDIS Sherlock... Take the TARDIS... you can... I know... the Doctor? No... he doesn't like pears either... *twitches and leans on Sherlock's shoulder*

You: *He frowns, pouting a little at the odd change. John seemed distressed, maybe Sherlock should wake him?*

Stranger: Hmm...? Wha? *notices there is a "something" on which he rested his head* Hello? *blinks a few times then nearly jumps out of his skin* Sherlock! What the hell?

You: *Sherlock sighs, looking up to John* Told you I wasn't dead. Let's have dinner.

Stranger: No... Nonononono... this is very wrong... VERY wrong... more than a bit not good... *paces back and forth then stares at Sherlock* There are two things I want to do at this very moment.

You: Let me guess. *Sherlock stands, arching a brow* One is definitely to punch me, am I correct?

Stranger: *Pulls back and punches the man quite heavily in the jaw* Oh, god. Yes.

You: *He stumbles back when John punches him. The area becomes immediately sore, and Sherlock rubs it gently.* Still a good punch.

Stranger: Yes. *glares at the man* And you bloody well deserved it.

You: *Pouts, but grimaces when it hurts him to move his jaw.* Now what?

Stranger: *steps forward and briefly kisses Sherlock, then pulls back, gives him the once over and turns on his heel* I leave before you destroy any more of my sanity.

You: *Sherlock acts dumbfounded. He starts after John, holding out his hand.* John? D-don't go... I had to die, you /know/ I did.

Stranger: *shakes his hand off and keeps walking* I don't care. You know what it did to me.

You: John. *He mumbles, now running to keep up by his side.* I had to stay away. If not you would have died. I did it for /you/, John.

Stranger: I don't care. I died on the inside. Don't make me punch you again. *walks faster, knowing that his legs probably won't out walk Sherlock's*

You: *Sherlock easily keeps up as John starts to slow. He jumps in front, blocking his pathway, and grabs John's wrists.* You do care, John, as much as I care.

Stranger: Let go of me. Of course I don't care why you did it. You did it anyway. You probably knew it was going to happen and you didn't tell me. I suffered, Sherlock. *looks him square in the eye* What would you have done if you thought I had died?

You: I wouldn't have given up on life. Of course, I would miss you, so much. And I did miss you... You're my friend, my only friend that I've ever had. I'm not letting you go.

Stranger: Oh really? *twists his arm sideways like they taught him in basic self defense* Good luck with that, Sherlock. *steps around the man and tries walking away again cursing that Sherlock's "grave" was so damn far away from the entrance*

You: *Sherlock's face scrunches into annoyance, and he catches up with John again.* John, don't make me do something you might not like.

Stranger: *rolls his eyes* Right. Like you would put me through anything more traumatizing. *stares ahead, determined to leave*

You: *He looks John in the eyes, before pressing their lips together for a few seconds* You asked for it... *Sherlock mumbles afterwards as he felt his cheeks heat up*

Stranger: *freezes* Don't you... dare... do that again. *stares at him angrily* You played my emotions once. I'll be damned if you do it again.

You: *Sherlock slowly lowers his head down, keeping an inch between them.* Or what? You'll punch me again? *Ponders* I can live with that.

Stranger: No... *glares at him and steps back, away from him* You don't want to know.

You: *He frowns, stepping forwards to close the gap again.* Tell me. I want to know.

Stranger: *furrows his brows* I'll kiss you within an inch of your life, that's what. *whispers it and then suddenly bolts away, trying to keep his sanity about him and push Sherlock far away so he'd never be hurt by him again*

You: *Sherlock runs after John.* John Hamish Watson! *He takes a shortcut through the maze of graves, having a lead, then stops as John catches up. Without blinking, Sherlock pulls John into another kiss, crushing themselves together this time*

Stranger: *finds himself full of Sherlock and can't resist running his hands up into his hair and tugging him down to him. At this point nothing really matters except the contact between them, and the time they spent apart seems to erase. He slowly runs his tongue over the bottom of Sherlock's lip, wondering if the man had ever done this before*

You: *The newness of this experience was fascinating Sherlock, having never done it before. He let John lead slightly, but followed him, learning from the other man's actions as they kissed*

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